


Breathe Me

by photographer_of_thoughts



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, M/M, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, School Reunion, Secret Crush, Top Even Bech Næsheim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 13:07:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19377319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/photographer_of_thoughts/pseuds/photographer_of_thoughts
Summary: A high school reunion brings Isak and Even together after ten years, and neither of them can forget what happened when they were both seventeen.





	Breathe Me

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is based on the anime [Hyperventilation](https://laftel.net/g/37902), and follows it almost exactly. I really liked the anime when I watched it (warnings, it's explicit) and of course thought of putting it into the Skam universe with Isak and Even. 
> 
> *I don't own the anime, or Skam, of course. This is just for fun.*
> 
> There are changing ages and POVs throughout the story, so please look for that in bold. Isak and Even are the same age in this fic, as well.

**17**

**Isak**

 

Isak slammed the door on the way out of his house, hoping his parents heard him. He wanted them to know how angry he was, how tired and upset they’d made him. It was a new record for them considering it was barely 7 am.

 

He rubbed his arms against the early spring cold, glancing up at the grey sky. 

 

They would never listen to any words he said - and God knows he’d tried for fucking  _ years -  _ so maybe they’d be able to understand the loud sound instead. 

 

As he walked to the tram stop, it started. The familiar tickle in his lungs; the way his palms were sweating and tiny dots began to blur his vision. He was breathing too quickly. He coughed, a startling and painful sound ringing in his ears. 

 

“No.  _ No.”  _ He told himself, trying to take some deep breaths. 

 

He was finally getting better at controlling this. He was  _ finally  _ feeling normal in his friend group. Jonas wasn’t constantly looking at him like he was made of glass and was going to shatter at any moment. 

 

Just because his parents were fighting again, and his mother was getting worse by the day, didn’t mean he needed to panic about it. This wasn’t the end of the world. He was going to be okay. 

 

He squared his shoulders as his breathing went back to normal and got on the tram. 

 

**

**17**

**Even**

 

Even could hear someone coughing at the end of the empty corridor, a hacking kind of sound that made his lungs wince in sympathy. He was supposed to be monitoring the hallways, checking that nobody had ditched classes or was loitering in empty rooms. 

 

It sometimes sucked being class president because he was missing his  _ own  _ class to make sure nobody was where they shouldn't be. Go figure. 

 

He walked a little bit faster when he realized the cough was turning into gasping and then he was running when he heard a loud thump. He rounded the corner and saw a boy doubled over against the wall, his back facing Even. 

 

“Hey, are you okay?” He asked, kneeling down and instantly rubbing the boy’s back without giving it much thought. Clearly the guy needed some help. 

 

The blonde-haired boy shook his head, looking over at Even with tear-stained eyes and crimson cheeks. His green eyes were pleading for help and Even reached to pull him up, wrapping the boy’s arm around his own shoulders. He began steering them back down the corridor. 

 

“I’ll get you to the nurse’s office.” 

 

“N-no.” The boy gasped, pulling them to a stop. He pointed in the opposite direction, trying to explain what he needed but Even couldn’t make out what he was trying to say. 

 

“I don’t understand. I…” Even stated, shaking his head and feeling panicked. The guy looked like he was going to keel over any second if he didn’t do something. 

 

“L...l...ock…” The boy tried again, looking frustrated. 

 

“Lock?” Even tried, frowning. 

 

The boy nodded eagerly, pointing again. Even realized that he meant  _ locker  _ and by the looks of it, the boy’s locker must have been down here. But why would going to his locker help anything? 

 

"You need actual medical help." He tried, attempting to pull them back his way but the boy further resisted. 

 

His face was turning more red and his cough was turning into rapid breaths. Shit. He was hyperventilating. 

 

"Fuck.  _ Fuck."  _ Even said, trying to keep the other boy up as he was toppling to the ground again. 

 

**

**17**

**Isak**

 

Isak needed to get to his locker where his phone was. Then he would be able to breathe because he'd be able to call home and make sure his mother was okay. 

 

Why couldn't the boy just take him to his fucking locker? 

 

He had been sitting in class, staring out the window mindlessly when the horrible thought of his mother leaving the burner on or going for a walk and getting lost thrust into his head and he couldn't shake it. He snapped his pencil in half as the panic crept in - stronger than it had been in a while. 

 

He'd asked to go the bathroom and as soon as he was out of class he reached into his pocket where he always kept his phone, only to find it wasn't there. It must have been in his locker so he headed in that direction. 

 

Isak had nearly made it, could literally see the lock and his number, when he began coughing. His lungs were burning and his throat was tight and he felt  _ sick.  _ The waves of anxiety hit him so hard he had to grab the wall in order to prevent completely falling on his ass. 

 

And then the fucking class president showed up. Mr. Popular had put his hands on Isak and was trying to help but really not succeeding  _ at all.  _

 

Isak was further panicking because he couldn't express what was wrong. He couldn't do anything - not even breathe. He was so fucking pathetic. He was embarrassing himself in front of the guy he'd secretly had a crush on for years. 

 

Everything was turning black. 

 

**

**17**

**Even**

 

Even tried to think of what to do but he was freaking the hell out. Many classes weren't held in this corridor. It was mostly lockers and storage rooms. He thought he should run to get help but he was terrified if he left the boy would stop breathing altogether and he'd be responsible for his death. 

 

Even racked his brain for the first aid training he'd done a few months ago for his job as a lifeguard. What were you supposed to do if this was happening? 

 

He didn't know the cause. Was the boy having an asthma attack? A panic attack? Was there something else more sinister wrong with his lungs? 

 

The boy suddenly gripped his shoulder, taking in a shuddering wheeze and tears were rolling down his face. 

 

Even had to fucking do something. And it had to be  _ now.  _

 

Without overthinking it, he reached up and pressed his hand over the boy's mouth. He immediately felt the boy’s warm breath on his palm, the way it tickled and instantly made his hand damp. 

 

The boy stared at him with wide eyes, shocked. 

 

He wasn’t coughing anymore. 

 

**

 

**28**

**Even**

 

_ 10 year reunion!  _

 

Even rolled his eyes as he saw the huge sign above the door. He couldn’t believe he was back at Nissen after all these years. He wanted to go back home to his empty apartment and forget he’d ever tried to show up, but he knew certain people were expecting to see him. 

 

He had been class president, after all. Usually that meant you were supposed to go to your high school reunion. 

 

Even tugged the door open and walked towards the gymnasium where he could hear voices and faint music. He could smell something sugary as he peeked around the corner and he remembered he hadn’t eaten much today. At least he might get a donut or two out of this bullshit. 

 

“Even! Holy shit!” 

 

Some guy was shaking his hand and slapping him on the back before he had time to blink. He tried to smile - tried to remember who the hell this was - but the man didn’t seem to mind if Even knew his name or not. He was leading him over to a table and asking if he wanted a drink.

 

He was given a rum and coke and began walking around to the various tables, nodding when people would call out to him and say hello. Some of them he remembered. Some of them had been his friends. Others he knew through his friends. 

 

After about fifteen minutes of this he’d reached his small talk limit. He decided to sit at a table - unfortunately crowded but so were they all- and he leaned back in his chair. He looked around the table, seeing some more familiar faces. He nodded in greeting, continuing to scan the table until he set his eyes on a particular man that made his whole body flinch. 

 

Holy  _ fuck.  _

 

It was Isak. 

 

**

 

**17**

**Even**

 

After a few moments, the boy was beginning to breathe evenly again. His grip on Even’s shoulder was loosening and the fear in his eyes was turning into relief. 

 

“Shit. I didn’t know if that was going to work or not.” Even whispered, keeping his hand there. He didn’t want to pull it away too soon. 

 

What he learned in his first aid training came back to him and he remembered he was told when someone was hyperventilating they needed to breathe into a bag. Or a hand did the same trick. It slowed it down. 

 

The boy nodded and suddenly moved his hand so it was on top of Even’s hand, both of them now working to keep his breathing steady. The touch made Even jump a little. 

 

“Do you feel okay? Should I stop?” He asked. 

 

The boy nodded and when Even brought his hand away slowly, a string of spit connected his fingers to the boy’s lips. It should have been a little gross. Even’s hand was pretty much drenched in spit. But he suddenly felt a tightening in his groin, a wave of arousal slamming into him so hard he was dizzy. 

 

“T-thank you.” 

 

Even shook his head and helped him up, trying to ignore the sensation still jolting through his dick. 

 

“No problem. We should still go to the nurse’s office, though. I want to make sure you’re okay.” As Even insisted on this, he rubbed the saliva on his jeans and saw the boy watching the movement. 

 

“No. She won’t be able to help me.” 

 

“You could have been having an allergic reaction. An asthma attack. Don’t you think…” 

 

“It wasn’t any of that. It was a...panic attack. I have them a lot.” The boy’s cheeks were flushed now and he was awkwardly looking around the hallway. Even really didn’t want him to feel that way. 

 

“I’m Even, by the way. Are you new here?” He put his hand out, the same hand that had just been covered in spit, and waited with a smile. 

 

“Isak. And no. We’ve gone to school together since we were little.” He dead-panned, turning on his heel. “Thanks for your help, Even. You can go now. I have to get back to class.” 

 

Even felt like he’d done something wrong but he didn’t know why or how to make it better. Isak was clearly upset with him and he wanted to apologize, but Isak was already at his locker, preoccupied with opening it.

 

He decided it was best to just leave and find his own class.  

 

**

 

**17**

**Isak**

 

Isak could feel Even’s eyes on him as he walked to his locker and opened it, reaching for his phone and dialing his house number. He stood with his back to the other boy and waited, listening to it ring before his mother finally answered. 

 

“Mom? Are you okay? Is everything okay?” 

 

“Isak? Yes. I’m fine. Why aren’t you in class?” 

 

Sometimes Marianne’s memory would be perfectly fine. She would know who Isak was, where he was supposed to be, and be able to be at home without help. Today was one of those days and every last ounce of panic he had left after Even’s help disappeared. 

 

“I’m going there now. I just wanted to check on you.” He said softly, closing his locker. He turned and didn’t see Even anymore. 

 

He tried to ignore the disappointment rushing through his chest. 

 

“Focus on school, sweetheart. I’ll see you later.” She said kindly, hanging up before Isak got to say another word. 

 

**

 

**28**

**Even**

 

“Hey Isak. How have you been?” Even made himself say, leaning forward and extending his hand. Isak took it but didn’t smile, shrugging his shoulders in a way that indicated he was probably as bored as Even felt. 

 

“Fine. Working. And you?” 

 

His tone gave nothing away. He was waiting patiently for Even’s reply, eyebrows raised. Something about his nonchalance set Even’s teeth on edge. 

 

“Uh, yeah. Same. I work downtown most days. I do some writing for various film magazines.” 

 

There. He was giving Isak an olive branch. If he said slightly more about himself, maybe Isak would be more inclined to open up and not stare at him so icily. 

 

“I think I’ve read some of them. Nice work.” Isak nodded, sipping his own drink. It looked like straight orange juice but perhaps there was some vodka in it as well. 

 

The fact that Isak had read his work surprised Even. Immensely. 

 

“Really? You think so?” 

 

“I wouldn’t have said so if I didn’t enjoy it. Your piece on Baz Luhrmann was quite the read.” Isak said, and he smirked a little. But in a teasing way and not a mean way, so Even returned it. 

 

“Where are you working?” 

 

“I supply teach across the city. Chemistry, mostly.” 

 

Even whistled. “You’re brave. I wouldn’t have the patience for teenagers.” 

 

Isak shrugged again. “They’re not all bad.” 

 

“Even! How are you?” A voice came from behind him, and he didn’t have to turn around to know who it was. 

 

Jenny. His ex-girlfriend. 

 

**

 

**17**

**Even**

 

Turns out Isak was in his math class. He sat in the next row over. Even could literally reach his hand out and touch Isak if he wanted. 

 

To his credit he didn’t often pay attention in this class because he wasn’t very good at math. He didn’t try too hard with the material but tried to miss this class if he was given a choice. One of the benefits of being class president. 

 

Jenny sat beside him and often helped him with the answers. She was always calling him hopeless, rolling his eyes and secretly groping him under the table. Today was no different. 

 

Usually he liked it but today, he squirmed away from her. She was too close. Too condescending. 

 

And his eyes kept wandering to Isak’s profile, the sharpness of his cheeks and the way his hair fell against his forehead. 

 

Even kept thinking about yesterday. His hand over Isak’s mouth. The curve of his upper lip. The spit on his hand and how much of it had pooled on the skin around Isak’s mouth. 

 

How he’d gone home and jerked off, Isak’s name a whisper on his own lips. 

 

He turned his face away, trying to focus on his worksheet. But he knew it was useless. He knew exactly what he wanted to be staring at. 

 

And it scared the hell out of him. 

 

**

 

**28**

**Isak**

 

He excused himself from the table and headed towards the door. A quick break, he told himself. He needed to gather his thoughts. His cool. Some fresh air would help. 

 

He needed to stop freaking out that Even was here and was talking to him because  _ fucking hell _ . He wasn’t in high school anymore. 

 

They hadn’t even spoken a word to each other since that day. Not at graduation. Not at the after party. Isak never saw Even at university either, so they must have gone to separate schools. 

 

There had been nothing, no communication, for more than ten years and yet Isak’s heart had begun hammering in his chest the moment Even sat at his table. 

 

He left Even and their table while Jenny laughed loudly and put a hand on Even’s shoulder. 

 

Isak wandered into the Nissen courtyard and hopped up on the back of a bench. He put his head in his hands and tried to count to ten, telling himself he was waiting to see Jonas or Mahdi or Magnus and that’s why he was staying. That’s why in ten minutes maximum he would go back inside. 

 

“Mind if I join?” 

 

Isak whirled his head up, giving himself whiplash and he winced. Of course it was Even and of course he was chuckling as he sat next to Isak, pulling a joint out from behind his ear. “Want some?” 

 

“Uh. I guess.” Isak stated, not knowing what else to say. 

 

Even dug a lighter out of his pocket and brought the joint to his lips. He sucked in a breath, winked and then passed it to Isak. 

 

“Do you want to come back to my apartment for a real drink? Maybe order some food?” Even asked, just as Isak inhaled. He managed not to cough as he handed it back. 

 

"You want to leave?" Isak was deliberately avoiding the question because for some reason it felt like he was being set up. 

 

"Yeah. Unless you want to stay?" 

 

"Um. No. I mean. I was going to see if some of my old friends showed up but they haven't yet. Probably not their thing." Isak stammered, taking another hit. 

 

“It’s not really my thing, either.” 

 

“No? Mr. Class President didn’t want to come to the reunion?” Isak said, a sharpness to his voice that he didn’t intend. 

 

Even blew out a mouthful of smoke and leaned into Isak’s side. “Is it that hard to believe?” 

 

Isak was back to being breathless, stupidly dizzy from how fast his heart was beating and it was so infuriating. But he leaned closer too, unable to help himself, and smirked at the other man. 

 

“Yes, actually. It is.” 

 

“Huh. Well, perhaps you’ll find out a few more things about me that’ll surprise you.” The taller man said, eyes firmly on Isak’s mouth now and there really wasn’t any way to misinterpret how much Even was flirting with him. 

 

“Fuck,” Isak whispered, already leaning in to kiss that smirk right off Even’s face. 

 

But then there were hands on his shoulders and he was being pushed back ever so slightly. He looked at Even, eyes wide.

 

“Come here.” Even said reassuringly, tossing the joint onto the pavement and taking Isak’s hand. 

 

They walked until they were against the side of the school, hidden from sight of anyone walking by. Even gently moved Isak until his back was against the wall, trapping him with his long arms. 

 

“Can I kiss you?” 

 

Isak put his hands on Even’s hips and pulled the other man tightly against himself. “ _ Please.”  _

 

**

 

**28**

**Even**

 

Even knew they probably shouldn’t be doing this here, at Nissen, during a fucking ten year reunion where if someone really looked they’d be able to tell exactly what was happening. 

 

But when he got his fingers inside Isak, thrust up and made him moan, all other thoughts disappeared. 

 

Isak’s jeans were pooled around his ankles, his coat and sweater still on and covering any view Even might be able to have of his cock. But that didn’t deter him. He just kissed Isak instead, already addicted to the taste of his mouth. 

 

“Even.  _ Even.”  _ Isak groaned, arms around his shoulders like he needed them to help him stay upright. 

 

“Does it feel good?” 

 

“Yes. Fuck.” 

 

“God, Isak. That’s it.” 

 

The way Isak was squirming and trying to hold in his noises made Even wonder if he could come like this; just fingers pressing deep inside him and Even’s mouth over his lips. 

 

“Can we...go back to your place now?” Isak moaned, hips pushing down like he wanted to ride Even’s long fingers. 

 

“Okay. Does that mean you want me to stop?” 

 

“ _ No.  _ But I also don’t want to come against the side of our old high school.” Isak said, trying to sound annoyed but he just sounded turned on. His breaths were increasing, his voice going higher. 

 

Even’s dick felt like it was trying to punch its way out of his pants at the sight of Isak this way. 

 

It was everything he’d ever fantasized about and  _ more.  _ He’d lost count of how many times he’d jerked it to images of Isak, his mouth all wet and those big eyes looking up at Even like he was willing to do anything he asked. 

 

Just like he looked right now. 

 

With a sigh of regret, Even gently pulled his fingers out and gave the other man one last, lingering kiss. 

 

“Let’s go.” 

 

**

 

**Isak**

**28**

 

Isak noticed the ring on Even’s wedding finger as he was already bent over, elbows on the bed and Even thrusting deep inside of him. 

 

He hadn’t been able to focus on much besides the blinding pleasure, the sharpness of the initial breach and then Even’s body hovering over him. It had all been really fucking good. 

 

But now, Isak was focused on the ring. The one he could feel against his own finger now that their fingers were entwined, Even’s big hand over his. 

 

Even was moaning into his ear. Isak could tell how good it was for both of them, and he didn’t want to stop. But the idea of being the other man was terrifying. 

 

Isak had already been through that. He couldn’t handle it again. 

 

He’d been seeing a guy for two years when he was twenty-three. He had just begun teaching. They’d just begun talking about moving in together. 

 

Isak had been in love. 

 

But then his boyfriend’s wife had shown up at the door, demanding to know where he was. She screamed that her husband wasn’t gay, couldn’t possibly love Isak because he loved her. They had a child together. 

 

And Isak broke. 

 

The panic attacks he’d spent the last four years being able to control came back with a vengeance and Isak couldn’t work. He didn’t leave his apartment. He stopped talking to some good friends because he couldn’t contribute anything to the friendships. 

 

He had lost so much time because of what happened. Luckily, he started working again eventually and his friends never gave up on him. But he couldn’t go through that again. 

 

Isak began hyperventilating, coughing quietly as Even took hold of his hips and thrust in deeper. It still felt good and Isak could feel himself getting closer to the edge, but now his lungs were burning. 

 

“Isak, baby. Shh.” Even suddenly whispered, leaning over Isak’s back and saying the words right in his ear. “Do you want me to stop?” 

 

Isak shook his head, trying to say no, but all he managed was another cough; this one louder than before. 

 

The panic was creeping in, spreading heat across his chest and Isak closed his eyes; trying to stop the thoughts from overpowering him. But all he kept thinking was how awful it would feel if Even was married. If he belonged to someone else while he was doing this with Isak. 

 

The thought seemed to go away as quickly as it came though, because next thing he knew, Even wrapped his left hand around Isak’s mouth - stopping the hyperventilating and making both of them moan. 

 

Even’s thrusts got faster and his cock kept pressing into Isak’s sweet spot. 

 

“Come for me.” Even said, so quietly Isak nearly missed it. But those words and Even’s hand on his dick was all it took for him to explode, convulse in the other man’s arms and make a serious mess of the bed. 

 

**

 

**Even**

**28**

 

As soon as he wrapped his hand around Isak’s mouth, it was pretty much game over. A flood of memories - touching himself under the covers at night as teen, eyes lingering on Isak every time he saw him in the hall - rushed through him, making his eyes water and his hips press all the way forward. All the way inside of Isak, really making him feel it. 

 

And as Isak came, Even did too - kissing the side of Isak’s face as he emptied himself into the condom; feeling the wetness around Isak’s mouth on all of his fingers. 

 

**

 

Isak was lying on the bed, eyes closed and sheet draped over his bottom half. Even walked into the bedroom, carrying two glasses of water, and stopped to admire how fucking beautiful the other man was. 

 

He was just as attractive as he’d been in high school, but age had also done wonderful things to him. His chest had filled out, his jawline was now covered in a dusting of scruff, and his stomach muscles were more defined; noticeable through clothes. 

 

Looking at him made Even want to start round two right the hell now. 

 

“Here.” He said gently, kneeling down on the bed.

 

Isak’s eyes snapped open and he sat up, accepting the glass with a small smile. “Thanks.” 

 

“It’s all right.” 

 

Even sat next to Isak, both of them leaning against his headboard, sipping the water in the dim light of the room. He’d only put on his night stand light and it barely illuminated half of the room. 

 

“Even?” 

 

“Hmm?” He rolled his head over, expecting Isak to still be in the afterglow like he was. But when their eyes met, Isak looked anxious and tense. 

 

“Are you...married?” 

 

And with the question, Isak tapped the silver ring that was on Even’s finger. He looked down and sighed, yanking the ring off and throwing it on the carpet. 

 

“No. I...Sorry.” Even stammered inarticulately, trying to find the right words. He turned his body towards Isak, taking his hands and rubbing his palms; attempting to soothe. 

 

“I  _ was  _ married. But it’s over. She moved out a few months ago.” 

 

“Oh.” 

 

“Yeah.” 

 

Isak hesitated, gnawing on his bottom lip, clearly trying to ask something else. Even reached up and brushed some hair off Isak’s forehead, waiting patiently. 

 

“Why were you wearing it then? Are you still...in love with her?” 

 

“No,” Even said immediately, shaking his head. “I don’t think I ever was. We got married really quickly, before we had a chance to get to know each other properly. I wore it tonight because...I didn’t want anyone to flirt with me.” 

 

Isak burst out laughing, frowning in confusion. “And yet,  _ you  _ were flirting with  _ me.  _ And now we’re here.” 

 

Even smiled, nodding. “Yeah, well. It’s  _ you.  _ And you were there alone and I...had a big crush on you during my last year at Nissen. So, I went for it.” 

 

“What? You  _ what?”  _ Isak practically shrieked, shaking his head in bafflement. 

 

“I...went for it? Flirted with you?” 

 

“No, no. You had a  _ crush _ on me? While we were at Nissen?” 

 

Even rubbed the back of his neck, feeling himself blush. “Yeah. I did. After what happened in the hallway. You remember?” 

 

“Yeah. I do.” 

 

“So, you know. I finished up the year constantly thinking about you.” 

 

“You didn’t even know who I  _ was,  _ though!” Isak said, still laughing. “That day. You thought I was the new kid. We’d literally gone to school together for years.” 

 

“Shut up.” Even rolled his eyes, burying his face in his hands. 

 

“ _ I _ had an epic crush on  _ you _ since I started at Nissen. Like, what the hell? I swear to fuck I’m dreaming right now. No fucking way did  _ you _ have a crush on  _ me,  _ and we just fucked. Was I drugged?” 

 

They both ended up laughing hysterically, throwing their heads back like it was the funniest thing in the world. And when Even jumped on top of Isak, tickling his sides and pinning him to the bed, Isak just smiled up at him with those big, doe-like eyes and kissed him.   
  


**Author's Note:**

> Comments/feedback welcome and appreciated! 
> 
> Come say hi [here](http://photographer-of-thoughts.tumblr.com/) or [here](https://twitter.com/photographer_ot) <3 <3


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